


Variations on Normal

by TheseusInTheMaze



Series: Variations on a Dan [4]
Category: Good Game - Fandom, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom
Genre: Alcoholism, Depression, Drug Use, Interspecies Relationship, M/M, Pants wetting, Rainbow Unicorn Cock, Xenobiology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 08:46:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13050558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: Alex is getting used to shit being weird.So it gets weirder.





	Variations on Normal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fallenandscatteredpetals](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallenandscatteredpetals/gifts).



> Edited by Angel!

Alex needed to stop drinking.

He knew this, on a logical level.

We all know that our vices are killing us, in our heart of hearts.

But there were things in the back of Alex's head, things that he didn't want to think about - things that he _couldn't_ think about - and so he walked into the bar, and he smiled at the bartender, and he took his shots, and he drank his beer after beer after beer.

He wanted the world to swirl around the edges, go dim.

He wanted to feel like someone who didn't have some kind of aching hole in the center of his chest, who wasn't slowly but surely losing his mind.

Was he losing his mind?

Judging by the way he had ended up apparently meeting with a demon, or the place where he'd met variations on himself... probably.

He sighed, leaning back into his bar stool, and then he caught sight of something going around the corner.

It looked like a long, pearly seashell.

Or maybe a unicorn horn.

It was going by, peeking out over the curtains of the bar, and Alex was shoving his money at the bartender and stumbling after it.

Because as far as he remembered, the last time he'd seen that horn, it (or rather, the person that was attached to it) had saved him.

Maybe they could save him again.

* * *

Alex stumbled along the road, following the horn. 

There was a body attached to the horn, and a head - it was a big head, about a foot taller than Alex.

It was... well, it was very clearly not something you see everyday.

The streets were pretty much empty, because it was almost two in the morning on a Wednesday. 

The unicorn's hooves made a clip-clop noise on the asphalt.

"Wait," Alex called, although he was loathe to make any noise.

His voice ripped through the air like a pair of blunt scissors through a pair of blue jeans.

The unicorn looked over his shoulder, and his face was long and his eyes were a little bit sad.

"You can see me?"

"Yeah," said Alex. "Why wouldn't I be able to see you?"

"I dunno," said the unicorn, and he stopped completely, turning around.

He was wearing a button down shirt and a pair of jeans.

He looked so... normal.

Like a guy who was just out for a night on the town. 

Only he was tall, and his ears kept flicking this way and that, as various noises went on around them.

Nobody else seemed to be noticing the unicorn.

In a flash of insight, Alex realized what he must have looked like - some drunk weirdo, talking to a spot in the air.

Then he shrugged, metaphorically.

If nobody else could see the unicorn, that was their problem, not his.

Unless he had finally drunk so much that he'd pickled his brain.

... that was a sobering thought, although not quite sobering enough, because he was still swaying.

"Are you that guy from that weird place?"

"I think you're gonna have to be a little more specific," the unicorn said, in a tone as dry as old bones.

"What?"

Alex put a hand on the unicorn's shoulder to keep from falling over, the fabric bunching under his fingers. 

It sure felt real.

The unicorn's body was hot, and the fabric was soft against his fingertips.

"I go to a lot of weird places," said the unicorn. 

"Why?"

"Well," said the unicorn, "I tend to just kinda... let it be said that I'm good at getting round, and leave it at that."

"Where does around even mean?"

"Loads of places," the unicorn said, offering a hand to Alex.

Alex took it.

"What's your name?"

"Dan," said the unicorn.

"Yeah? I know a Dan. Sort of. Maybe."

"Only maybe?"

"It's... complicated," said Alex. "And to be blunt, I'm not sure if you're real, or just a sign that I've finally had that nervous breakdown that's been circling around me for the past few years."

"Why do you think that you're having a nervous breakdown?"

Alex shot the unicorn a sidelong look, as the two of them walked down the street.

"I mean," said Alex, "there's the fact that I'm talking to a bipedal unicorn."

"I know a ton of bipedal unicorns," Dan countered. "So to me it's totally normal."

"So does that mean that talking to humans is a sign of going crazy?"

"No, we know you guys exist. We worry about you sometimes, honestly."

"Why?"

Dan gave Alex a Look.

"Dude," he said, and he didn't elaborate.

They walked along quietly, not talking to each other, and Alex stewed.

"I think that humans are doing pretty good," said Alex, as they passed by his house.

Well, Ryland's house.

He should have said something about it, but... fuck it.

It wasn't as if Ryland would miss him.

Maybe this was all just a dream again.

Who knew?

"You seem to want to get away," said Dan, after some more quiet walking.

They were making their way towards the edge of town.

There was what looked like a desert, although Alex didn't think there was a desert over there.

Maybe there wasn't an usually a desert there, but at present, there was.

Why was there a desert there?

Alex was either too drunk to care, or else he was just getting used to these things.

He didn't want to think about either of those.

He was spending too much time not thinking about things these days.

Especially not thinking about the way that Ryland and Ash kept looking at each other. 

"I'm in love with my best friend," Alex said, as they passed by a rather seedy looking liquor store.

He wasn't sure if he'd told anyone about this. 

Oh well.

He was talking to a unicorn who was probably real, so why the fuck not talk about this stuff?

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," said Alex. 

"What's he like?"

"Why do you think it's a he? My best friend could be a woman."

"You're coming off like someone having some kind of sexuality crisis," said Dan. "No offense."

The unicorn had a beard a bit like a goat's.

Alex hadn't noticed it before - maybe because of the light?

But it was illuminated by the street light, casting a shadow across Dan's long neck.

"I'm not having a crisis," Alex said stiffly.

"No?"

"No," said Alex. "I'm... I'm okay if I don't have a normal sexuality."

"I'd argue that the fact that you see one type of sexuality as "normal" over another means that you've still got some kind of hang up," said Dan.

"I mean...." Alex shrugged. "I'm old."

"I'm old too," said Dan. "How old are you?"

Alex told Dan his age.

Dan snorted, the most horse like sound that Alex had ever heard come out of a sentient person.

Versus, well, a horse.

"I'm a lot older than you are," said Dan.

"Oh yeah? How old are you?"

Dan told Alex.

Alex's eyes went wide.

"We, uh, we don't live that long, normally," said Alex. "I mean, as a species."

"I know," said Dan. "That's probably why you guys have so many hang ups."

"We don't have that many hang ups," said Alex. "I guess you guys have ridiculous gay orgies all the time or something?"

Dan snorted again, and he looked genuinely amused. 

"Why don't you tell me about your best friend?"

"Well," said Alex, "his name is Ryland...."

* * *

They walked along the desert highway.

It was empty in all directions, apart from the mountains in the far, far distance, and the city, getting smaller as they walked away from it.

And Alex talked about Ryland.

He talked about how smart Ryland was, how talented, how funny.

He talked about the way the light caught Ryland's eyes, the way it turned Ryland's hair golden. 

The shift of Ryland's muscles under his skin, the span of his blunt hands, the way he got excited about things.

The fact that Ryland was Alex's only real close friend, the only one who had let Alex crash until he was back on his feet.

Whenever that would be.

"So you're pretty into him," said Dan, after who knew how much walking, and a good deal of talking.

Alex was a bit impressed with himself - he hadn't fallen over yet, despite how drunk he was.

Usually he was getting towards the vomiting and crying stage at this point, especially considering how much alcohol he'd had.

"I guess I am," Alex said. 

"Do you want to be?"

Alex shot Dan a confused look.

The moon was out, and it was big and bright, like someone shining a spotlight on them.

It was bright enough to blot out the stars.

"What do you mean, do I want to be?"

"Do you want to be in love with your best friend?"

"I don't really have a say in the matter," Alex said. "They're feelings. They happen."

"You can train yourself out of them," Dan said, with some authority.

"Humans don't work like that," said Alex. "We just... don't."

"You could, though."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because... well, I mean, they're your feelings. Can't you control them, to some extent?"

"I mean, I can control the way I act with my feelings," said Alex, "but I still have my feelings regardless of what I'm doing."

"I think you're selling yourself short," said Dan. "I bet, if you put your mind to it, you could stop loving Ryland."

"Why would I want to stop loving Ryland?"

"... the guy is a jerk," said Dan, and he looked genuinely surprised that Alex wasn't getting it.

"Ryland isn't a jerk," Alex said, indignant. "Ryland is just... you know, he's sad. He's been spinning his wheels. Now that we're doing the whole esports thing, we're gonna get rich, we're gonna be able to be happy together."

"You think he'll wanna be happy?"

"Of course he wants to be happy," said Alex, his tone dismissive. "Who doesn't wanna be happy?"

"Judging from your description, Ryland doesn't," said Dan. 

"What?"

"He's so... I mean... you try to do things that cheer you both up, but neither of you end up happy, do you?"

"I think you just don't understand our culture," said Alex, "or maybe you don't understand how we as a species work."

"I dunno," said Dan. 

His hooves clopped along on the asphalt, as calm as ever.

"You dunno?" 

Alex was beginning to get frustrated at the whole mess of this.

At how weird all of this was.

"What do you even know?"

Alex stopped walking, and he crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at Dan.

Dan stopped walking, looking at Alex, his long equine face conveying confusion.

"What's up?"

"You're just... you're some kind of weird hallucination that I'm dealing with because... because...."

"Because?"

The fucking unicorn was looking at Alex with those limpid eyes of his, and Alex abruptly hated everything.

He hated all of this quasi-mystical, science fiction stuff, he hated the fact that he was still heartsick about Ash and Ryland.

He was sick of the stupid flatness of the desert.

"Because you're just a sign that I'm losing my mind," Alex said, and he turned around, stomping in the other direction.

"... what?"

Dan had to trot a bit to keep up, and his hooves clopped louder.

"You're not real," Alex said. "You're not real."

"I'm pretty real," said Dan. 

"Only pretty real," said Alex. "Not really real."

"I mean," said Dan, "we could go into the complexities of interdimensional travel -"

"No!" Alex yelled. "No, we couldn't, because interdimensional travel isn't real, and none of this is fucking real! I'm probably just super drunk and passed out in a booth, unless I'm actually fucking dead, in which case what kinda shitty afterlife is this?" Alex stamped on the ground, and his feet were sore from all the fucking walking. All of this fucking weird dreams, with all their walking. "And why are they all fucking named variations on fucking _Dan_?! There's a world of fucking names out there, and they all have the same fucking name! And it's Dan!"

"What's wrong with the name Dan?"

"Of all the fucking things you picked up from that... argh!"

Alex stamped off, towards the dark shadow of the city in the distance.

It was a good, sustained stamp too - he didn't know he had that much anger in him that he could use as fuel. 

It was almost as good as the time he'd tried cocaine, albeit less... changing the way time moved.

There might have been a clip-clop of the unicorn's hooves coming after him, but he was too angry to pay attention to any of that.

Just... fuck all of this.

Fuck demons, fuck big white rooms, fuck unicorns and whatever the fuck else there was out there, just fuck all of it.

All of it, forever, fuck it.

And then he passed out. 

He was pretty sure he passed out, at any rate, because one minute he was walking, the next minute he was slung over Dan's shoulder, his face full of flannel.

"Wuzzuh?"

"So you're up," said Dan. 

Alex tried to look up.

There were streets going by - he even recognized a few of them.

"What's going on?"

"You kind of passed out," said Dan. "I mean, I assume you did. You did have a good point about me not knowing a lot about your physiology, so for all I know that's normal for your species?"

... was Dan being snarky?

It'd be a welcome change from the chill, sage, all knowing bullshit, truth be told.

"You're a jerk," Alex grumbled.

"Does that mean I'm your type?" 

Dan chuckled, and it vibrate through Alex's chest. 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Well," said Dan, and he set Alex down, as Alex wobbled.

He looked over his shoulder, and he saw that the desert was gone - it was just highway, the way he remembered it.

Okay....

"Stop fucking with the landscape," Alex said, and he jabbed Dan in the chest.

"... what?"

"The landscape. Stop fucking with it. Stop taking me to... fucking demon portals, or some shit like that."

"I'm not really the one doing that," said Dan. "I mean... me being here can make stuff go a bit weird. It's one of those things."

"No, it's not one of those things," grumbled Alex. "That's not one of those things at all."

"Well, what _is_ one of those things?"

Dan sounded... amused, and that was even more frustrating. 

Alex prodded him in the chest, and Alex's prodding finger came back sore.

Stupid unicorn being stupidly built.

"I don't know," Alex said finally. "But that's not it!"

"You're just in a bad mood," said Dan. 

"Of course I'm in a bad fucking mood!" Alex yelled. "You're just a stupid sign of my impending mental breakdown! I bet I'm gonna wake up checked into a funny farm somewhere, drugged off my ass, and maybe Ryland might visit me if there isn't anything good on television!"

... wow.

That was meaner than he intended it to be.

That wasn't fair to Ryland.

"I feel like, if I was a sign of you losing your mind, I'd look weirder," said Dan.

"You're literally a giant talking horse," grumbled Alex. "How could you look weirder?"

"I'm a unicorn, thankyouverymuch," Dan said. 

"Same difference," grumbled Alex, as the two of them walked towards Ryland's house.

"There are places you really shouldn't say that kinda stuff," said Dan.

"What, I'll get jumped by a bunch of other sparkle ponies?"

"Do I look like a sparkle pony?"

"I dunno," said Alex. "It's not daytime, so how would I be able to tell if you were sparkling? There's not enough light."

"I've got no idea what you're talking about," said Dan.

"You're such a weirdo," said Alex. 

"You don't necessarily know that," said Dan. "I might be perfectly normal, for someone of my species."

"No way," said Alex. "If you were normal, I would see more people like you in the day to day."

"You might just only see us when you're drunk," said Dan.

They were in front of Ryland's house.

"Maybe I'll go sober," said Alex.

"That might be good for your liver," said Dan.

"What do you know about our livers? Maybe our livers are completely different from yours!"

Alex got up on his tiptoes, jabbing Dan in the chest again, trying to go nose to nose and eye to eye.

Dan's physiology was different enough that they couldn't really go eye to eye. 

If Alex had grabbed Dan by the mane and pulled him down, and then they could be one eye to one eye.

Their size difference was a lot more stark than Alex had realized.

Despite the fact that the one guy had carried him over his shoulder.

Um.

Shit.

"I believe that livers in general work like livers," said Dan.

He looked amused, inasmuch as Alex could read Dan's emotions.

"So you think I make the landscape turn screwy?"

"Oh yeah," said Alex. "Only reasonable explanation."

"An alternate explanation might be that _you're_ the reason the landscape has gone screwy," said Dan. 

They were in Ryland's front yard now, just standing there and arguing.

"I'm not making the landscape go screwy," grumbled Alex. "If I made the landscape go screwy, I would have noticed that like, when I started to walk out on my own. I feel like my friends would notice."

Dan just raised an eyebrow.

"Whatever," grumbled Alex, and he made a point of storming into the house, not looking behind himself, just unlocking the door.

"Sleep well," called Dan, and Alex rolled his eyes, slamming the door behind him.

"Jesus," said Ryland, when he saw Alex come staggering in. "You look horrible." 

"Gee, thanks," Alex groused, and he kicked his shoes off, sitting heavily on the couch. 

He was close enough to touch Ryland, and what would have happened if he reached out to squeeze Ryland's knee?

To touch Ryland's face?

"You're in a mood. Usually you're more cheerful when you're wasted."

"I'm not wasted enough is the problem," said Alex.

"You smell rank," said Ryland, wrinkling his nose. 

"Like you're a bed of roses," said Alex. 

"Hey," grumbled Ryland. 

He farted, which kind of took the wind out of his argument.

As it were.

“Hey what?”

For once, Alex didn't just roll over. 

"You smell like weed," Ryland said. 

"Weed isn't too bad, as a smell," Alex said, aware that he sounded defensive, not sure how to turn that off. "I mean, there are plenty of people like the smell. They make it into a perfume, too!"

"I think that people just like the smell of weed because it reminds them of what it smells like when they're getting high," said Ryland. "Myself, I think it just smells like burned pencil shavings."

"What? Your nose must be busted for all of that farting," said Alex. 

"That was kinda hurtful," said Ryland.

_Like you're always the epitome of thoughtfulness,_ Alex bit back. 

"I'm sorry," Alex said. 

"It's fine," said Ryland, and he patted Alex on the shoulder. "You look tired. You should sleep."

"Yeah," said Alex. "I should go to bed."

He lay back against the cushions, his eyes sliding shut, the room spinning, ever so slightly.

His feet hurt. 

His head hurt.

Everything hurt, in ways that he didn't entirely know how to put into words.

His very _soul_ was aching, which was stupid, because souls probably didn't exist.

He sighed, leaning back into the cushions of the couch.

He was clearly losing his mind.

At least unicorns were better than pink elephants, right?

"Hey, Ryland?"

"Mmm?"

"If I ended up, like, in a mental institution or something, you'd come visit me, right?"

Alex was holding his breath.

... wow, this was embarrassing.

"Of course I would," said Ryland. "You're my friend!"

"More than, like, Sam?" 

"I've known you longer," said Ryland, which wasn't much of an answer, but Alex would take what he could get.

... wow, this was pathetic.

He needed to get out more.

Like, get out to things that weren't bars or corners where that one dude was selling weed.

He sighed, wrapping himself in the afghan, and he cuddled into it.

If only he could snuggle up to Ryland....

What would it have been like to snuggle Ryland?

Probably solid.

Alex sighed, his eyes drifting shut, and the darkness behind his eyelids was welcoming.

* * *

The next time Alex saw a unicorn, he was sober.

There was a moment of doubting his sobriety, but... no, that was a unicorn.

In spandex.

Because of course.

"Alex!"

The unicorn was waving frantically. 

Nobody else seemed to be noticing him.

Alex was by himself, on his way to get some dinner.

Since Ryland was having dinner with Ash tonight.

Again.

Third time this week.

It wasn't as if Alex and Ryland had a tradition of going out and getting pizza and watching the new episodes of Game of Thrones together, but Ash was behind and wanted to catch up....

It had been almost two weeks since he'd exploded at Dan.

He probably needed to apologize to him.

Alex sighed, and he made his way towards the waving, spandex clad unicorn.

He might have been losing his mind; if this was happening when he was sober, he might as well just jump in, feet first.

Or something.

He looked up at the unicorn, who was standing in a dark alley.

"Are you another sign of me losing my mind?"

"I don't think you're losing your mind," said the spandex covered unicorn. "We've met before! I gave you a blow job!"

"... right," said Alex, blinking.

This unicorn looked a lot... different.

Now that Alex had seen Dan, this unicorn - Danny, Alex recalled, in a rush of memory - looked almost... fake.

Like he had been put together in a lab somewhere - some scientist's idea of a horse, versus an actual horse. 

His eyes were also pretty close together, which was downright disconcerting - what must it be like, to be looking down that long nose all the time.

He was gonna need glasses, although a horse's glasses would probably be more like a windshield, and that got him grinning, which made Danny grin, which... okay, that was an unsettling thing to see on a horse's face.

Um.

A few of Alex's self preservation instincts reared up, pointing out how dumb this was.

So that's where they were.

Huh.

"You're saying you really don't remember me?"

Danny looked sad.

"No, no, I remember you," Alex said. "It's just... surprising to see you. Here. When I'm sober. Unless I'm really losing my mind."

"Hey man, I'm as real as anything else," said Danny. "So you doing anything tonight?"

"I was gonna watch Game of Thrones," Alex said slowly. 

"The new show, or the revival?"

"There's a revival?"

"Oh, yeah," said Danny. "In a couple of hundred years, people are gonna be nostalgic for all that wholesome fun -"

" _Wholesome_?! That show is filled with rape and murder and torture," Alex said, torn between fascinated and terrified.

Why was his life this weird?

Why hadn't he taken a bong hit before he left the house?

Why hadn't he just stayed home and been an awkward third wheel, instead of being stuck with talking to this hallucination which wasn't actually a hallucination, unless he was well and truly losing his mind.

Which was him chasing his metaphorical tail in circles.

Versus an actual tail, which was what Danny had.

"Wanna see the remake?" 

Danny was grinning more now, and he held out one hand to Alex.

_Don't take his hand. Go home and be a third wheel, or go to the bar and get drunk, but don't take his hand, because you're trying to turn into a normal person, and normal people don't take the hands of strange delirium dreams._

"Sure," said Alex, and he took Danny's hand in his own.

It was an actual hand too, with a thumb, and it squeezed Alex's hand, more or less pulling him into the alley, and Alex had a moment to regret the choice he made, before everything was screaming and multicolored light and the sensation of being pulled apart, then put back together, but slightly different.

And Alex was standing in the middle of a giant room. 

"Welcome to my spaceship," said Danny, his tone enthusiastic, and he wrapped an arm around Alex's shoulders, pulling Alex closer to his great space heater of a body. "Don't worry about Ninja Brian - he's not allowed to kill anyone who I bring through the time machine, after we accidentally started that whole Vietnam War thing because I killed that one dude -"

"Wait, _what_?!"

Alex was more or less dragged into a great, sunken living room, like something out of a porno in the seventies - a "conversation pit," that's what they were called, right?

Holy shit.

Danny more or less threw himself onto a giant cushion, pulling Alex against him, and then the two of them were more or less cuddled up, staring up at the ceiling, which showed them their own faint reflections.

Danny was fucking massive.

Dan the unicorn had been pretty big himself, but Danny seemed... outsized.

Alex would need to see the two of them together to really make the comparison, and that was an image that his brain just... wasn't allowing.

"Why are you a unicorn?"

"I wasn't always a unicorn," Danny said. "But, see, in the far future, they can do neat shit with your DNA - I didn't really look into the details as to how they do it, exactly, but they did something or other to me, and now I've got an awesome horn and a rainbow, giant cock."

"A rainbow _what_?!"

"I mean," said Danny, "why not, right?"

"If you're gonna make your dick rainbow, why not make the rest of you rainbow, too?"

"That'd be kinda... tacky," said the seven foot tall unicorn in a blue, sparkly spandex jumpsuit.

"Right," said Alex. "Too tacky."

"I knew you'd understand," said Danny, patting Alex on the shoulder. "So do you wanna start from season one, or do you wanna just jump around to whenever?"

"We're seriously watching a remake of Game of Thrones?"

"Totally," said Danny, and the arm around Alex's shoulder wriggled free, as Danny groped around for some kind of remote.

Then there was a slight clicking noise, and the ceiling turned out to be a giant television.

Um.

That was unexpected.

Alex stared up, transfixed. 

"So it's actually really neat," Danny was telling him, as the music came on, loud enough that the whole damn bed was vibrating, "but when they were casting, they actually found Sophie Turner's great-great-great granddaughter, and she's playing Cateyln Stark!" 

"What, really?"

"Oh yeah," said Danny. "Since they implemented the DNA search engines, they do that kinda shit all the time."

"Wait, DNA search engines?"

Alex's head was spinning.

"Totally," said Danny. "Look, it's starting!"

And indeed, the music was blasting at them, and there were people in truly ridiculous period costumes.

Although some of them were animal people.

Alex glanced over at Danny, who was transfixed. 

"So, uh, this show came up after DNA splicing?"

"Right," said Danny. "The director who did it was kind of an auteur, so he insisted that some folks get spliced - "

"Oh my god," Alex groaned, and he covered his face with both hands, because holy crap that was a terrifying thought.

A director making someone get their DNA spliced?!

Then again, directors made people go on crash diets, so how much different was it?

Maybe this was all just some fantasy going on in the back of his head, as he slowly pickled from the inside from all of the alcohol, his brain eating itself from all of the weed. 

Could weed do that to you brain?

What had the anti-drug PSAs said about that?

Well, no, the PSAs had been full of lies, and just... urgh.

Alex sighed, closing his eyes.

"You sound tired," said Danny, his tone sympathetic.

"How do you know when you start to lose your mind?"

Danny shrugged.

"I figure if it makes sense, it makes sense, and if anyone tells me otherwise, then I see how much I trust them."

"That's... surprisingly reasonable," said Alex.

"I can be reasonable," Danny said, and he sounded slightly offended. "Just because I'm a little different from you doesn't mean that I don't work things out."

"Fair enough," said Alex, because there wasn't exactly a diplomatic way to point out that he thought that Danny's thought process was wacko. 

He hadn't expected the weird unicorn man to be able to say words like "auteur" either, so go figure.

* * * 

The great cushion was surprisingly comfortable - almost like a water bed, which shouldn't have surprised Alex to the extent he did, but some bits of this felt like a weird porno from the seventies - a water bed in space with a giant unicorn.

Really.

Danny radiated heat like a furnace, and Alex ended up cuddling in, the spandex smooth and slippery against his skin, the hair covering Danny's whole body less so.

Danny nuzzled the top of Alex's head a few times, into the flyway hair that was no doubt haloing his head, but it was all... it was weird.

Alex fell asleep, at some point.

Game of Thrones was as gripping as Game of Thrones ever was, even with animal people and a lot more naked people (who knew you could have even _more_ naked people in Game of Thrones?) making it weird, but Alex was tired, and he was beginning to deal with the shock of all of this weirdness.

He woke up in darkness, and there was warmth next to him, and someone was petting him.

He blinked, his head muzzy, and there was a long nose staring down at him.

What the hell?

When had this happened?

What was... oh.

Everything came rushing back, and he groaned, covering his face with both hands. 

"You slept right through Ned Stark getting beheaded," said Danny. 

"Did they actually cut off the actor's head for that?"

"What? No!"

Danny looked legitimately shocked, which was admittedly, hilarious, because a shocked horse is fucking hilarious.

Alex was snickering, and then he was laughing, so hard that he couldn't breathe, and he was sitting up, leaning against Danny, his face in Danny's chest, clutching at Danny's spandex jumpsuit, still wheezing. 

This was all so fucking ridiculous. 

How had this turned into his life?

Who even fucking knew anymore?

Why was he trying?

Alex turned, and he looked down the long nose, into the brown eyes.

"You want me to return the favor?"

"Mmm?"

Danny was looking lazy, practically indolent, like a fat housecat.

"You remember when you gave me that blowjob?"

"Mmm? That was fun."

"Well," said Alex, "how would you like me to return the favor?"

How weird could it be? 

He'd sucked a cock... sort of... in the big white place.

How much different could this be?

"Are you offering me a hot blowie?"

"Yes, Danny," Alex said, his tone deadpan, "I'm offering you a hot blowie." 

"If you're sure," said Danny. "Because, uh, a hot blowie for me kinda has... you know, consequences."

"Consequences?"

"... it might be easier if you're naked," said Danny. 

"Naked," Alex said, deadpan.

"I'll get naked too," said Danny, and he sat up, sending the cushion they were on bobbing.

Alex held onto the moving bed, carefully, as Danny stood up, wriggling out of his spandex, and oh my, but that was... that was a lot of... oh.

"It's rainbow," said Alex, because his brain wasn't really transmitting what it was that he was looking at.

"It is indeed rainbow," said Danny. "I told ya."

"You did tell me," Alex agreed. "But, uh... it's rainbow."

"It is rainbow."

"Why is it rainbow?"

"My dick is a gift to _anyone_ , regardless where they fall on whatever spectrum."

"... oh," said Alex. 

That was, possibly, the dumbest thing that he'd ever heard, and if he made eye contact with Danny, he'd probably start laughing, and might not be able to stop.

Okay.

Deep breath. 

He leaned forward, and he touched Danny's dick.

It was thick, and it was hot.

It was already getting hard, floppy, already beginning to leak pre.

Wow.

That was funny looking.

Alex needed to work very hard not to laugh. 

He wasn't going to laugh. 

He wasn't.

He was the very picture of sincerity and calm.

... it really was a good thing that he was so used to dealing with Ryland's tantrums, or his face might have been doing other things.

But fuck it. 

He'd agreed to do it.

So he leaned forward, taking that ridiculous cock in both hands, and he opened his mouth, only barely getting the head of it into his mouth.

... okay, ow, no, that was hard on his jaw. 

He began to lick along the shaft, and it tasted like salt and a bit like something utterly alien, and Alex didn't know what that was, but it was enough to make Danny groan and moan.

"Just, uh, for a warning, I don't... fuck, oh god...."

Alex made another attempt to put his whole mouth on the head of Danny's dick, and then Danny's hand was on his head, holding his head in place, and he was humping frantically into Alex's mouth, which was... well, honestly, it was kind of uncomfortable, but at the same time there was something hot about having someone wanting him that way, having someone who was so into this that they couldn't stay still.

And then Danny was cumming, all over Alex's face, and Alex jerked back, coughing, as spurts of semen just... came at him, all over his face, down across his shirt, in his hair, it was all over him, and he was a mess. 

"I have, like, no stamina now," said Danny, and he looked sheepish. "But was it good for you, baby?"

There were tears dripping down his face, puddling under his long chin, pattering on his white chest.

"You just tried to drown me in fucking... horse cum!" 

Alex was sputtering, and he was trying to breathe, but this was all... holy fuck.

Alex fell back on his ass, and he was beginning to laugh, really laugh; the absurdity of this whole fucking situation, the ridiculousness of his life as a whole, what the fuck was even this life?

What was he going to do?

Who the fuck knew what was going to happen next, but Alex was literally sitting on a water bed covered in unicorn cum.

"What?"

Alex stared up at Danny, and the unicorn's expression was so perplexed that he was laughing harder, he was laughing so hard that his bladder let go - he could feel the spread of warmth across his crotch, down his leg, and he was still laughing, his stomach hurting from all the laughing, and he was just trying to _breathe_.

"... you got it all out?" 

Danny looked at him, his expression confused, but clearly trying to be helpful.

"Are, uh, are you okay? Or are you into pee? If you're into pee, I'm sure I can, uh, I -"

"Don't pee on me," Alex said quickly, images of drowning in horse urine flashing through his head.

Oh god.

What a way to go.

"I'm not gonna pee on you," said Danny, "but can you tell me what's going on?"

"I'm just... god." 

Alex shuddered, leaning back against the water bed, and he wiped his face.

"Can I use your shower?"

"We've got a magic space shower," Danny said, enthusiastically. 

"Of course you do," said Alex. "Do you have a washing machine, too?"

"Yep!"

"Can I use it?"

Alex looked down at his own clothes, and he made a face, then pulled his shirt off.

Fuck it.

Who cared?

Danny had seen him naked anyway, so what else was going to change?

"Aw, you lost your boner," Danny said, and he sounded genuinely remorseful.

Alex bit back his response - _I didn't really have one to begin with_ \- and he just smiled at Danny, a bit nervously.

"I'm, uh, I'm sure I'll get it back," said Alex. "Just give it a little bit of time, so it can... get back to itself."

Danny wrapped an arm around Alex, and the both of them were skin to skin... sort of.

Inasmuch as they could be skin to skin, with Danny having so much fur.

But it was so nice, to have heat so close to him, so nice to have someone else breathing right next to him, someone who wasn't just... tolerating him.

* * * 

The shower was huge - the size of a small room, really, and the jets shot out from all directions, getting Alex in the sides, in the hair.

Danny washed Alex's hair with something that smelled like Fruity Pebbles, and he was chattering the whole time.

Alex sighed, and he let Danny's chatter wash over him like the water.

He was... somewhere in his head.

"So then we had to fight the double breasted slut vixens from the planet of Furrae...."

"You're a furry?"

"I'm a giant unicorn with a giant unicorn shlong, of course I'm a furry," said Danny.

Alex burst out laughing, as Danny guided him under a particular jet.

A very strong jet... well, it went certain places, and Alex was much cleaner than usual.

It did feel... interesting, and his dick had woken up, but good.

And then Alex was being pressed against Danny's big chest, and Danny was resting his ear against it, listening to Danny's huge heart, as it banged away under his ribs.

Alex sighed, relaxing in his bones.

Maybe this was all a sign of his impending mental breakdown, but hey - at least it was interesting, right?

"You're so warm," said Danny. 

"You're warmer," said Alex.

"Well, of course I am," said Danny. "I'm so much bigger than you are!"

"... well, fair," said Alex. 

"But you're fucking sexy," said Danny.

Alex blushed, and he looked to the side, avoiding eye contact.

He could see Danny's nipples faintly - they were pink.

Apparently, Danny hadn't wanted to change the color of those.

Alex wondered why not.

But he only had one set of nipples.

Did horses have multiple sets of nipples?

Danny was soaking a loofah under the spray, covering it in peppermint soap, then rubbing it to get more suds.

He began to wash Alex, starting with Alex's chest, then Alex's stomach.

Who knew Danny could be so gentle?

He was looking at Alex with an expression that could be construed as... tender, which wasn't something that Alex had expected. 

Danny didn't really come off as someone who would be gentle.

But then he was washing along Alex's dick, and okay, that was an interesting sensation - it was almost... cold, but it burned at the same time, and Alex stood there, his expression thoughtful, as Danny washed along his legs, getting down to get to Alex's feet and his legs.

"There we go," said Danny, and he grinned up at Alex through his long eyelashes.

He looked like some kind of movie star, or maybe something out of your weirder sort of furry porn.

He smiled at Alex, as Alex stepped under the water, letting it wash over him, letting it rinse him off.

The water was thundering down on Alex's head, and it was enough to fill out the spaces that usually needed to be drowned out with booze and weed.

Maybe he needed to just get a really strong shower.

Would he be able to convince Ryland to do that?

... probably not.

Maybe he needed to just move out of Ryland's place, and figure out what he wanted to do with his life.

Other than being an esports coach, because that didn't seem to be doing much for him, and he was getting tired of being surrounded by esports people.

Maybe he needed to join a social club or something, some kind of meet up.

... were there meet-ups for people who kept running into alternate universe versions of themselves? 

Was that even a thing?

"You okay in there?"

Danny tapped Alex on the forehead gently, jolting Alex out of his daze.

"What? Oh, yeah, no, I'm fine," said Alex.

"You looked like you were a million miles away," said Danny. 

"Yeah, I was thinking about how weird my life is," said Alex.

"I'm supposed to be being a ninja and killing a bunch of people, like Ninja Brian," said Danny.

"... what?"

"I mean, I used to be pretty good at it," Danny continued, in that same tone of voice that he always used when he was rambling. "But I just wanted to _dance_ , you know?"

"... right," said Alex, although he was following none of it. "Do you think that maybe I should move out?"

"Do you wanna move in with me? There's plenty of room around here, you could totally have a room in the spaceship, we'd just have to add you to Ninja Brian's do not kill _ever_ list -"

"No, no," Alex said quickly. "Just... maybe I should stop living with Ryland.”

"He does sound like kind of a jerk," Danny agreed.

"Why does everyone keep calling Ryland a jerk? He's not a jerk! He's just... you know, uber depressed and shit," said Alex.

"I mean, if enough people are calling someone else a jerk, that's usually a sign that they're a jerk," Danny said, which was some amazing insight from a guy like him.

"I think that you're just jealous because I like Ryland better than I like you," said Alex.

"Has Ryland ever given you a blowjob?"

"Well, no," said Alex.

"So you should like me better," Danny said, as if that was a thing that made sense.

"It doesn't work that way," Alex argued. 

"Well, if it doesn't, then it should," said Danny. 

Alex rolled his eyes.

"I mean it," Danny insisted. "I've done a ton of good stuff for you, I want you to like me better!"

"It doesn't... you can't just tell someone that they should like you more, just because they've done stuff for you," said Alex. "People don't work that way."

"Does that mean I should give you another blowjob?"

Danny was perking up.

"I mean," Alex said, "I don't wanna say no, but if it means that you're gonna keep going on about how I should like you better, than no, I don't want you to do it."

"I just wanna blow you, since you're boning up so much," said Danny. "It looks like it needs attention."

"I dunno how I feel about you referring to my penis as if it was a separate entity," said Alex.

"Even Dan does that, the killjoy," said Danny.

"Wait, you know Dan?"

"I know a bunch of our various incarnations," said Danny, and he as dropping to his knees, ducking his huge head forward, his breath warm and steamy and almost _ticklish_ against Alex's cock.

Alex did indeed have a boner, from nerves, from the big body against his own, from the sensation of being pampered like this.

He tangled his hands in Danny's curly hair, and he arched his back, pushing his cock further into Danny's mouth, moaning quietly.

Danny had a long neck, a long throat, and he sucked cock like a champion.

He had probably sucked a lot of cock, come to think of it.

He claimed to be Danny Sexbang, and this was a Danny Sexbang from some point in the future, so who even knew, right? 

He applied even suction, occasionally taking more into his mouth, and then he would begin to slurp, his tongue rasping along the base of Alex's cock, then coming off of it to kiss along the shaft.

Alex came down his throat, and Danny just... swallowed it, no trouble, and then he looked up at Alex, licking his chops.

His horn caught the light, and it spangled a rainbow across Alex's face, like a prism.

"Wow," said Alex, lacking anything else to say.

Danny grinned.

"Am I good, or what?"

"You're pretty good," said Alex, and his knees were shaking.

He sank down onto the tile, and Danny pulled him closer, his chin over Alex's shoulder.

"You could stay here," he said, right in Danny's ear. "It's lonely, sometimes. And... and we could go to the future, you could change your DNA, if you'd like, you could be a unicorn too. It's pretty awesome, being a unicorn. Or you could be a hyena, or a tiger, or a fish person, or... anything."

"I like being who I am," said Alex, which was a blatant lie, but Danny didn't have to know that, right?

Danny was giving him a knowing look (which is exceedingly strange from a unicorn's face), but for once he wasn't saying anything.

He just stood up fully, and he helped Alex rinse off completely.

* * *

Alex's clothes were all clean and dry, by the time they came out of the shower room.

"Do you want to spend the night?"

Alex shook his head. 

"Nah," he told Danny. "Ryland is probably starting to worry about me."

"I don't think so," said Danny, but he was shrugging into more spandex.

Of course he was.

"Well, you're wrong," said Alex, as he wriggled into his clothes.

His boxer-briefs had been replaced with a rather... garish speedo, but by Danny's standards, it was practically tasteful.

Alex kissed Danny on the nose, then walked through the portal.

To find himself in the alley again, with the sun up.

* * *

When Alex got home, he found Ryland sitting on the couch.

He looked like he had washed his hair recently, which was interesting.

He'd washed his hair the day before - usually Ryland left a few days between hair washings.

Maybe Ash had said something about it.

... no, that wasn't fair.

But Alex put a smile on his face, as Ryland rushed over.

Wait, what?

"Dude," said Ryland, "where the fuck have you _been_?!"

"Huh?"

"You've been gone for almost three days," Ryland said, and he looked borderline hysterical.

"I was?"

"Yeah," said Ryland. "Fuck, where _were_ you?!"

Ryland actually hugged Alex, held him tight, and oh wow, that was nice.

Alex's face was in Ryland's neck, and it really was a good thing that he had just had an orgasm, or else he would have been boning up something fierce.

Ryland smelled like cologne and like soap and like himself.

"I was, uh... I met someone while I was out," said Alex, "and I guess I lost track of time."

"You lost track of time for three days?!"

Who even knew that Ryland had this much emotion in his voice.

"Yeah, and, uh, my phone kinda died."

"God, I've been worried sick, dude."

"I've been fine," said Alex. "I honestly just lost track of time."

"You know, if you were going on a blackout drug binge, I wouldn't expect you to smell so good," Ryland said, and he sounded like he was teasing, but it wasn't entirely obvious if he was or not.

"I got a shower in there somewhere," said Alex, and he stretched. "Although I am feeling pretty exhausted right now. You think maybe I could catch a nap?"

"Sure, of course," said Ryland. "You deserve it, man. Can you, uh, can you tell me anything you remember from all those days?"

"I will," Alex promised, and he yawned so wide that his jaw actually popped.

He lay on the couch, which seemed lumpier than he remembered, and he closed his eyes, letting sleep wash over him like a wave.

* * * 

Ryland was... attentive for almost three days, which was amazing.

In a weird way, it was a relief when he started to get grumpy again, snapping at Alex. 

It had been nice while it lasted, at least.

And it was nice to know that, should all of the weirdness finally swallow Alex up, at least Ryland would notice that he was gone.

Eventually.

He wondered when it was that Ryland actually noticed that he was gone. 

Probably around day two and a half.

... Alex was being a jerk.

He sighed, and he peeled an orange, watching as Ash and Ryland flirted with each other.

They weren't even being subtle about it anymore, and Ash kept showing up at their house, sitting on the couch a bit too close to Ryland.

Those two were just... urrrgh.

Alex sighed. 

Was he going to have to go wandering around again or something?

Maybe he needed to go looking for Dan the unicorn or something.

The whole mess of it was... well, a mess.

"Ryland, I'm going out," said Alex.

"Have fun," Ryland said, without looking up from his computer screen.

"Thanks," said Alex, and he shoved his feet into his sneakers and made his way off.

There wasn't much to do around the city, if he didn't want to do any drinking.

It fucking sucked. 

Maybe he could at least... try moderation or something?

That might help, at the very least. 

A little bit of a drink.

Not too much of one.

He could do that, right?

* * * 

He couldn’t, it turned out.

Who knew?

Probably fucking Ryland could tell, but what the fuck did Ryland know, anyway?

Alex was tottering. 

He was tottering a lot.

… okay, he was tottering more than a bit, and the bartender was giving him a worried look, but he was still on his way home, more or less.

He thought it was home.

And then there was that fucking unicorn.

Alex recognized it.

“What are you doing here?”

Dan looked over at Alex, and he looked… almost embarrassed.

Huh.

“I’m sorry I was kind of a jerk the last time we saw each other,” said Dan.

“Why do you think that you were a jerk?”

“Because you called me one.”

“Am I seeing you because I’m drunk?”

“Partially,” said Dan. “It’s kinda complicated.”

“Try to explain it to me,” said Alex, and then he paused. “But come sit at the bar with me. Assuming you can do that, and it won’t ruin the space time continuum or something.”

“What’s the space time continuum have to do with anything?”

“I dunno,” said Alex. “It’s a random collection of words that I’m throwing together, since this whole mess seems to just be a whole bunch of shit just thrown together.”

“Does it?”

“Well, it seems like that to me,” said Alex. 

“How about, instead of a bar, we go to a cafe?”

“Are there any cafes open around here, at this time of night?”

“It’s only six in the evening, Alex.”

“Oh,” said Alex. “It feels later.”

“Probably because you started drinking earlier,” said Dan.

The unicorn was actually taking Alex by the wrist, leading him towards one of the many outdoor cafes around town.

Alex followed after him, and sat down at a table at random.

Dan sat at a table as well, but people just seemed to be… avoiding him.

They looked at him, but they saw straight through him, focusing on Alex.

Alex, who was drunk at six in the evening and wobbling ever so slightly.

He smiled at the waitress, who was giving him a look that was almost… suspicious. 

“I’ll have, uh, I’ll have a cup of coffee and a turkey sandwich,” said Alex.

“And a croissant,” said Dan.

“And a croissant,” echoed the waitress, as if she was asleep.

Huh.

“So people can’t see you?”

Alex looked over at Dan, who had his elbows on the table. 

His long horn was catching the lights, and they didn’t make rainbows like when they hit Danny’s; it was just a shadow.

For all that Dan was a unicorn, he wasn’t… he didn’t feel _special_ , that one little bit of extra that Danny seemed to exude.

Alex wasn’t sure if it was a disappointment or a relief.

A unicorn that really was just a horse with a horn on its head.

“I was a jerk last time, and I feel like it’s my job to tell you about all this weird stuff,” said Dan.

“I mean, in fairness, I was kinda stupidly drunk.”

“That’s the problem,” said Dan. “We only seem to run into each other when you’re drunk.”

“Do you drink?”

 

“The sheer amount I’d have to drink in order to get even close to drunk would make both of us go broke,” said Dan. 

“Do you have a lot of money?”

Dan shrugged.

“There are… places where stuff is thin,” Dan said, as the sky went dark, slowly. “You know, like, how rest stops on highways are kind of liminal spaces? Or playgrounds at night?”

“... what?”

“Some places are more like other places,’ Dan said, as if he was speaking to someone who was very slow. “Some places, because they’re like other places, can take you to other places, if you’re in the right state of mind.”

“The right state of mind?”

“Yeah. Drunk, or tired, or melancholic, or… something. Drugs help. Some places are, like, super sensitive to very specific moods. Like if someone is missing someone else, sometimes they can end up someplace where that person is… sort of there?”

“Sort of? So if I pull into a gas station rest stop missing my ex-girlfriend I’d be able to see her again?”

“You’d be able to see someone who looks like her,” said Dan. “Maybe someone from a dimension just to the left, or that’s ten years behind, or something like that.”

“... huh,” said Alex. “So I keep ending up in those types of spaces?”

“... not exactly,” said Dan. “It’s a bit more complicated than that.”

“What kind of more complicated are we talking about?”

“You - and people like you, across who knows how many dimensions - kind of… are liminal spaces. Liminal people?” 

“What?”

“You… make spaces thin around you. For some reason. I don’t know why, maybe it’s just some weird thing in the world, maybe there’s a key that’s set up for people who look like you do, or like the human Dan, or like Danny, or the who knows how many others of you that there are.”

“... huh.” Alex stared up at the sky. 

He was too damn sober for this.

“But, uh, for one reason or another, most of them don’t really engage in drugs or booze or whatnot, or at least, they haven’t in a long time, and because you _do_ engage in all of that kinda thing, you end up kinda… tripping over a lot of different types of things.”

“So I went to Hell, or that great big white room, because… I just kinda cut holes in things or something?”

“Think of there being a giant key,” said Dan, “and you just kinda… fit into whatever locks there are that keep the universes separate.”

“A me shaped lock,” Alex said, his voice deadpan.

“I didn’t say it had to make sense,” Dan said, and he looked defensive.

Somehow, expressions seemed to just… work on his face, better than they did on Danny’s.

Maybe because of the fact that this face was more or less… grown, organically.

Now that Alex had seen the way that Danny moved, the way that Dan moved… Danny was very clearly constructed.

Very cleverly constructed, to be sure, but still constructed.

Dan had evolved into being who and what he was, and his body had been his body from the get go.

“Alex?”

Alex blinked back to himself, sitting at the table.

His turkey sandwich and his coffee had arrived at some point, and Alex took a slug of coffee, which was a bit like getting kicked in the teeth, but it did wake him up. 

He blinked, and for a second, Dan wasn’t there.

Then the unicorn was back. 

Okay.

“Sorry,” said Alex. “Spaced out.”

“Evidently,” said Dan. 

“So how come you know all of this stuff?” Alex took a bite out of his sandwich. 

“It’s… let’s just say my world is a bit more complicated than other worlds,” said Dan.

“You think you could go into detail?”

 

“Not without any charts,” said Dan.

“So all of this weird shit is happening to me because I fit some kind of cosmic lock?”

“... maybe a pass code would be a better example?”

Dan shrugged helplessly, and his shoulders moved under the red flannel of his shirt.

His white fur was almost glowing in the dimness, reflecting the yellow of the streetlights that were slowly coming on.

“So I’m a… pass code?”

“All of you are,” said Dan. “All of _us_ are.”

“... huh,” said Alex, lacking anything else to say.

He took another bite of his sandwich, and another.

He was beginning to sober up, slowly.

“So being drunk makes me see you guys?”

“It helps you see me,” Dan corrected. “It’s complicated.”

“Mm,” said Alex, because again… what else was there to say?

“This must be pretty scary,” said Dan.

Alex shrugged.

“There’s not much I can do about it, so what am I gonna do?”

“That’s awfully… philosophical,” said Dan.

“What else _can_ I do? I can try to fix it by getting a haircut or getting genetically spliced or something, but it seems to be something else, so it feels like there’s not much else that I _can_ do. So I might as well just accept it.”

“I don’t know if that’s… healthy, or kinda worrying,” said Dan.

“What do you suggest I do?” 

Alex took another slug of his coffee.

“... you do have a point there,” said Dan, and he looked sheepish. “There’s not much else you can do, is there?”

“Not really,” said Alex. 

“What do you want to do?”

“Well,” said Alex, “for now, I’d like to finish my sandwich. After that, I don’t know.”

“Do you want some company?”

Alex looked sidelong at Dan, his expression thoughtful. 

“I wouldn’t say no to any,” Alex said slowly. “If you’re offering.”

“I might be.”

“Well, if you are, then sure.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.” 

* * * 

Alex bought a bottle of whiskey, and a canteen.

It probably would have been a better idea to get a flask, but he didn’t want to be the kinda dude who carried around a flask.

Dan had stood outside the liquor store and the drug store, respectively.

He was tall enough that his horn would probably have left marks on the ceiling.

The two of them walked towards the hills, which had always been there, thank god.

Alex didn’t want to deal with any kind of landscape doing weird shit tonight - he was too tired.

Tired in his bones, tired in his soul.

He sat under a big tree in the park, right next to Alex, and the two of them traded the canteen full of whiskey back and forth.

Dan obviously wasn’t getting anything out of it, apart from the taste, but he was polite enough to drink it when offered.

They looked at the ghosts of the stars, as could be seen around the light pollution.

“I wish I was normal,” said Alex, when he’d had a few swallows of whiskey. 

“Yeah?”

“I wish I wasn’t so in love with my best friend. Although I’m less in love with him than I was. I think.” Alex sighed. “This shit was easier when I didn’t put so much conscious effort into it.”

“Yeah, but now you’ve got more of a chance for things to go the way you want it to,” said Dan. 

“Yeah, maybe,” said Alex. 

The unicorn’s horn glittered, and the unicorn’s great brown eyes were sad and wise. 

“Do you ever wish you were normal?”

“I’ve seen so many variations on normal that I don’t even know what kind of normal I’d want to be,” 

“True enough,” said Alex, and he took another swig of whiskey.

**Author's Note:**

> Like this fic?
> 
> Want me to write you something like it, or something completely different?
> 
> Come talk to me on my tumblr, theseusinthemaze.tumblr.com!


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